A User's Guide to Bad First Impressions (How to Piss Me OFF!!!)

So about 2 months ago I get a random friend request on Facebook from this cat Ryan Hodges. Apparently he had a weekly at Handsome Willy's with Quickie Mart. I can preface this by Martin telling me about the aforementioned weekly by saying no one came out and it sucked. I'm ALWAYS really nice to people who contact me on the internet. It takes a lot to bring out this side of me, but I think y'all should see how and what can bring me to this level.

Facebook Message #1

Title: NO SUBJECT

Ryan: what's good man? we have never met but justin from handsome willys told me I should try and get up with you. I used to be a dj in nola prekatrina. quicke mart and I had a weekly at willys. anyway I just moved back here from brooklyn and am looking to build the hip hop scene here. let me know what shows you have coming up and maybe we can link up.

Me: I've got Saturday night @ the Circle Bar. But what I'm really focused on is the DMC New Orleans heat coming on July 10th, and the events surrounding it. It would be cool if you could come and check it out.

Anyway, my # is 504 XXX XXXX. I live in mid-city and I'm always down to session and bullshit about life, love and hip hop.

Peace fam...

Ryan: yeah dmc is serious, not to stress you out further but I hope you realize its not just cats from new orleans, you will be against some real heavy weights. justin told me your juggles were tight. best of luck to you, we can get together afterwards. justin told me shortkut is playing a show at willys, maybe I will see you there.

Me: I know... I'm not entering. I'm putting it on, it's MY baby the culmination of two years of bridge building. No pressure for me at all (hahahaha, more pressure in reality). Ironically after all the times I've driven 6-8 hours to compete at these things, the one time it's in my town and I can't enter. I wish I could compete, but this is one time I'm better behind the scenes. Although my girl is entering, I'm helping her with her routine. But yeah, Shorty is coming through and playin' Willy's for the afterparty. We're gonna do a session with all the heads on Saturday. Steel from NJ is stayin' at my house, and so is Rugged 1. It's gonna be a crazy weekend. We're gonna cap it off with Shortkut doing a dancehall Reggae Sunday night.

Enough about all that... It seems like my entire life is revolving around that damn battle right now... How long have you been back?? Where you livin? What's up with ya??

Ryan: Wow that is impressive, mad props to you for putting it in then. I just got in town last wednesday. I am staying at my boys house in the 9th ward off of st claude, rough i know. I am trying to decide what part of the city i want to live in, i need to decide fast to get the fuck out of there. Let me know if you need any help with the show, i would be happy to help out in any way i can, i know it may be alittle late. Where were you before the storm? I am suprised we never met, i thought i knew all the djs in the no.

Me: Yeah, I'm originally from New Iberia, but I lived in Lafayette before the storm. My girl was in college at UL, and she graduated in spring 2006 with an Architecture Degree. We had been waiting for her to graduate so we could get the f*ck out of that town. New Orleans just seemed like an obvious choice because of her degree. We moved here summer of 2006 when everything was still crazy and the city was still sort of a ghost town.

Yeah, I've got a line on some apartments on Esplanade @ Derbigny right by Man Chu. The studios are small but they're nice, and pretty cheap. The 7th Ward is a step up from the 9th ward, still a little rough, but really not too bad.

Man, I could always use some help concerning the DMCs. Since I'm doing it myself, I'm trying to solicit help from anyone. If you want a grip of flyers to pass out, that'd be cool. I mean even something as mundane as just telling people about it, so they can recognize the importance would help.

But yeah, I'm going to Lafayette (hate going back there, favor for a friend) tonight for a show, but I'll be back on Friday to get back to the grind. In the mean time, check out the blog @ dmcneworleans.blogspot.com I've been trying to update it as much as possible, but now it's really going to start getting good because I'm closing in on the battle and I'm saving all the really important isht for the days leading up to the battle.

I'll be out and about between isht on Friday, holler.

Ryan: yeah I would definitely be interested in checking out an apartment. yeah I could help you out with the flyers no problem. give me a call tomorrow my number is 347 XXX XXXX

Me: Aight will do. I'mma holler at my people. We'll get it all sorted tomorrow.

Ok, so he basically called me a chump. He assumed without doing any research that I was just some scrub dj, but still in all I was very respectful in our conversation. Maybe the smallest hint of sarcasm, but nothing major. Did I understand the weight of DMC?? I took that one as a mere misunderstanding. But I did go behind him and ask Justin about it days later. Here is an approximation of our conversation:

"Hey Justin, some dude named Ryan contacted me on Facebook. He said he had a weekly with Martin pre-Katrina."

"Maaaaannn, fuck that dude. Tell him to come pay his tab. He came in here talking a bunch of shit and left us holding a $30 tab."

"Damn homie, I'll tell him"

"He's a douchebag."

So Justin and I have been friends since I first moved to the city Post-Katrina. He's always taken care of me and I have the utmost respect for him. I trust his opinion, but I still let it slide basically due to my assumption that this guy just maybe, might just, be misunderstood. I know I've done and said some dumb things in the past that I wouldn't want people to hold against me. Everyone is entitled to a little leeway.

A week or so went by, and the next time I get contacted is when he wants me to put him on the list for the Jazzy Jeff/Dj AM show at the House of Blues. I put him on the guestlist +3. I missed meeting him in person at the show, but I continued to be cordial. I invited him to the Zulu Nation outreach meeting at Handsome Willy's which he didn't show up for probably due to the fact that he still owes a bar tab.

Then I get another message.

Subject line : djs

Ryan: does anyone play independent hip hop like doom aesoop rock etc down here?

Me: It doesn't really go over. It's not exactly "fill the bar up with girls" music. Thus every night that gets started where djs play that isht it fails. I'm over trying to play that out. I've got tons of it at the house. I just won't bring it out anymore. It's cool for mixtapes and for the car, but no one really wants to go all out and "party down" to Aesop, Doom or El-P in a bar.

I didn't get a response back. It's an honest answer to the question. No one I know has done a successful indie night. Whether it's J-Dilla, Doom, Aesop, Jedi Mind Tricks, etc. It just doesn't go over. In every instance it's been a 90% male audience, which doesn't bode very well for any bar, unless you're at a gay bar.

Then out of the blue last night while I'm asleep in bed I get a drunk text.

Ryan: I am drunk, but if the new orleans hip hop scene hasn't progressed enough to where you can't play DOOM or independant hip hop, I blame you sin you were the heir to the throne. (Sent 2:39 AM)

Me: Lose my number... You have zero right to criticize me or the hip hop in the city being as you contribute NOTHING. (text 1 sent 8:44 AM)

Me: Go tell that bullshit to Lyrikill, Truth Universal, GPC, D.O.N. Juskwam, or Caligula. I play indie hip hop in this city, it's local. (text 2 sent 8:46)

Me: Fuck Mf Doom and Aesop! They are completely irrelevant to what's going on here. Next time I see you we got a problem. (text 3 sent 8:48)

I get no response back, until I pull out my computer to check my internet, I get a Facebook message.

Heading: NO SUBJECT

Ryan: I somehow erased your 3 text messages without reading them. all I saw was fuck doom and aesop. I am not sure what the one said I sent you.

Me: Basically, you criticized me for contributing to a hip hop scene in which Aesop and Doom don't get played out, because I'm the "Heir Apparent" in New Orleans...

1. EF Cuttin was left that crown by Martin, not me. Martin didn't leave me shit!!!

2. Until you contribute to Hip Hop in New Orleans NOW (i.e. going to local shows, supporting, promoting events, starting your own nights, producing tracks for MCs, cutting on said tracks), your opinion is NULL and VOID.

3. The only Indy hip hop I want to see played in this city is what is made by locals. The rap here is as mature and progressive as what's coming out anywhere else. I don't waste my time dick riding famous people and trying to get MF Doom, El-P or Aesop plays out here. They have ZERO relevance to what's going on here and they don't factor the least little bit in my day to day life.

4. You've already started out on the wrong foot with me. This drunk text bullshit isn't making it any better. Are you really trying to piss me off? because it's working.

5. Don't move back to the city with a "I'm gonna save HIP HOP in New Orleans" attitude. We were doing just fine without you. Evidence of this... Soundclash/Grassroots. When you can do a night that consistently draws 200-300 people in this city, then you can have a say in what's "real hip hop".

6. JUSTIN Micaroni from Handsome Willy's says "PAY YOUR FUCKING TAB!!!"

7. I quit trying to play myself with that elitist, backpacker hip hop attitude a loooooooonggg time ago. I play funk, disco, reggae, electro, old school hip hop, bmore club, house, etc... That's what "real" djs do, they play whatever the fuck they want regardless of genre. You can stay stuck in your little elitist pigeon hole playing backpacker rap for 10 people a night. That's yours, you can have that.

8. At this point you've basically spit in the faces of everyone hip hop related I'm affiliated with in this city. Nice one!!! What's your next move?? Standing in front of the Iberville yelling the "N" word???

9. Just so you know... I will blog about this and quote you and myself verbatim. You have been officially put on blast.

Lose my number.

Ryan: I guess I touched a nerve. Good luck with your blog and your wobble wobble shake it shake its.

Me: Dude fuck you!! You have NO fucking idea what Hip Hop in this city is.

So that all leads me to this point I'm at right now. I've officially lost my patience. How the fuck can you be so rude to someone you don't know that well??? Especially since I'd been being nice up to this point. For him to call ME out about not having an indie hip hop night where I can play Mf Doom and Aesop for a crowd of 10 people. It's painfully obvious that he's completely ignorant of the fact that the New Orleans Independent Hip Hop scene is strong, competent, and intelligent. For him to even think I'm talking about bounce music is fucking laughable.

Well, I was gonna post his picture, but he took it off of Facebook so he couldn't be made a spectacle. So my final words to you Ryan:

You have fun keeping it real. After today I will have forgotten all about you. I'm sorry New Orleans is such a disappointment to you. I guess I'm just a wack dj. But wack or not, I'm still judging the DMC US Finals. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

Peace, and don't forget to lose my number!!!

You can catch up with Ryan on Facebook. Just search Ryan Hodges. His will be the profile with no picture.